dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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