And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize