So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's shark week go big or go home
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