Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
and she was petting her beer can
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
