Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
