In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
how does that bad decision feel?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
