Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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