I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
