wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
