I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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