Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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