she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Vodka?
Forever.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
