So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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