Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
