no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
