I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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