I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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