Michael Bay diarrhea
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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