Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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