I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
