just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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