she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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