In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
