Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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