Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
