Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my sisters under your porch take her home
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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