I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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