if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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