i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
