you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
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Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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