Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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