My friends, they love my intelligence
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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