when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
