I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
