Swine flu is the new snow day.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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