His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
