just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We have started to decorate penises.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
