you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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