Betty ford says i'm here all night
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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