Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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