i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
