no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
