my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
