Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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