wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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