So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
