When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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