weddingsv make me drug and hornr
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
