wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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