dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
