last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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