i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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