it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
