I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
