I feel like abortions should bother me more
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
