I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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